Had a visit to doctor's office on Wednesday. My HCG numbers (the pregnancy hormone) have dropped from the 9,500's to 73. This is really good news. The goal is to reach numbers under 5. Once they get under 5, I wait for them to stay there for 3-6 months and then we can try to conceive again.
In the meantime.. there is a lot of waiting going on. I spend time trying to pass time so I don't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself.
So on a more cheerful note, we have been focusing on getting the house finished. Mostly our bathroom. Currently it has no sinks, no mirrors and no vanity lights. Feels like we have been spackling forever!! We have also started up letterboxing again. For those of you not familiar with the sport, basically we treasure hunt for tupperware in the foods for a stamp image reward. :) Didn't clear anything up, did it? Go to www.letterboxing.org and search for a box near you to really figure it out.
My new goal is to reach 500 letterboxes found before we can try to conceive again. I also want to get back down to 122lbs (138 now).
Hmm.. what other goals? Get the bathroom done, the windows replaced and the porch remodeled before the big TTC begins again.
For anyone worried, thanks for all your well wishes. Please know that even though I still have sad moments that come and go, I am feeling much better.
Thanks for the love !
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A week later..
It's been a little over a week since I found out my pregnancy was lost. Physically, I'm uncomfortable.. there are short shooting pains and general tenderness in my abdominal area. Emotionally, I've become a sad, angry and guilt ridden reck.
If nothing else is on my side, I hope my doctor is more up to date on this subject than others. Some poor women I've read about have doctors who have only had one or no moral pregnancies in their years of being doctors. Oddly enough, my doctor actaully mentioned to me while we were prepping for the surgery that she has dealt with several molar pregnanices this year. She did not look happy about that fact, but what she said was something along the lines of "I've had molar pregnancies in my office this year than I have in my twenty plus years of being a doctor."
The guilt I am feeling is weird. I don't feel like its my fault this has happened. But I feel guilty that everyone is sad for me. I also feel guilty that I got my parents and David's parents excited for their first grandchild and now they have to be sad too. I wish now that we hadn't told anyone. I also feel guilty that I'm not returning phone calls of people who are just worried about us.
I just don't want to explain this to people. When I have to explain that I didn't "lose the baby" and that technically there probably was no baby, I feel like some people react with a "well, than there really wasn't a loss" outlook. Like, since there wasn't a baby, it wasn't as bad. And not because they are bad people, but because they can't understand. Losing a baby we thought was there but wasn't, hurts terrible too.
And the number one worst thing about talkng to people (especailly in person or one the phone) is hearing them say "I'm sorry" because the only response I can manage is "It's ok" and it chokes me up and brings tears to my eyes because in my heart that statement is a downright lie. Because to me, it isn't ok.
Add to that the fact that in my circle of friends, I'm the tough one, the one that gives the advice, the one with the head on her shoulders.. now I have breakdown and be the one that needs the support and its weird and hard, when I'm used to being the one strong for others.. so instead I keep finding myself trying to be strong for others for my own loss.
I am angry with nature. I feel like she scammed us. Nature is a big con artist. She made me believe I was going to have a baby. She let me and my husband rub my belly and talk to a baby that wasn't there until I was "12 weeks" and then yelled "You've been punked!". On top of pulling it away, we got left with rules that said we can't try to concieve again for a year and that I have a chance of developing molar pregnacy related cancer. Worst consolation prizes ever.
If nothing else is on my side, I hope my doctor is more up to date on this subject than others. Some poor women I've read about have doctors who have only had one or no moral pregnancies in their years of being doctors. Oddly enough, my doctor actaully mentioned to me while we were prepping for the surgery that she has dealt with several molar pregnanices this year. She did not look happy about that fact, but what she said was something along the lines of "I've had molar pregnancies in my office this year than I have in my twenty plus years of being a doctor."
The guilt I am feeling is weird. I don't feel like its my fault this has happened. But I feel guilty that everyone is sad for me. I also feel guilty that I got my parents and David's parents excited for their first grandchild and now they have to be sad too. I wish now that we hadn't told anyone. I also feel guilty that I'm not returning phone calls of people who are just worried about us.
I just don't want to explain this to people. When I have to explain that I didn't "lose the baby" and that technically there probably was no baby, I feel like some people react with a "well, than there really wasn't a loss" outlook. Like, since there wasn't a baby, it wasn't as bad. And not because they are bad people, but because they can't understand. Losing a baby we thought was there but wasn't, hurts terrible too.
And the number one worst thing about talkng to people (especailly in person or one the phone) is hearing them say "I'm sorry" because the only response I can manage is "It's ok" and it chokes me up and brings tears to my eyes because in my heart that statement is a downright lie. Because to me, it isn't ok.
Add to that the fact that in my circle of friends, I'm the tough one, the one that gives the advice, the one with the head on her shoulders.. now I have breakdown and be the one that needs the support and its weird and hard, when I'm used to being the one strong for others.. so instead I keep finding myself trying to be strong for others for my own loss.
I am angry with nature. I feel like she scammed us. Nature is a big con artist. She made me believe I was going to have a baby. She let me and my husband rub my belly and talk to a baby that wasn't there until I was "12 weeks" and then yelled "You've been punked!". On top of pulling it away, we got left with rules that said we can't try to concieve again for a year and that I have a chance of developing molar pregnacy related cancer. Worst consolation prizes ever.
Monday, June 15, 2009
And now we wait..
So, I just got back from emergency surgery. Went into the doctor's office this morning expecting blood tests and/or an ultrasound and was instead given directions to the hospital.
Apparently, I was suffering from a molar pregnacny. Bascially, my body believes I'm pregnant, but the cells split all wrong and chromosomes go wild and instead of baby I end up with clusters of mismatched cells all over my uterus. Unfortunately, this means no chance of a baby and it also means no chance my body will remove the clusters nauturally.
In fact, if not taken care of surgically, molar pregnancies can cause hemorriging or even cervical cancer.
The chances of getting a molar pregnancy? 1 in 1000. Go figure, I've never even won a raffle.
So now it is over, I am to recover for 48 hours. Thats not the hard part. With a molar pregnancy I have to wait at least six months to get the okay to try to get pregnant again. *heart break* Dr. O'Flynn warned that getting pregnant before that could lead to miscarriage or even worse molar cells that are left over mixing with the new fetal cells and ultimately destroying what would be healthy pregnancy.
Right now, I think this experience is like being dumped by my first real boyfriend. I know there will be others, but nothing hurts your heart quite as bad.
Apparently, I was suffering from a molar pregnacny. Bascially, my body believes I'm pregnant, but the cells split all wrong and chromosomes go wild and instead of baby I end up with clusters of mismatched cells all over my uterus. Unfortunately, this means no chance of a baby and it also means no chance my body will remove the clusters nauturally.
In fact, if not taken care of surgically, molar pregnancies can cause hemorriging or even cervical cancer.
The chances of getting a molar pregnancy? 1 in 1000. Go figure, I've never even won a raffle.
So now it is over, I am to recover for 48 hours. Thats not the hard part. With a molar pregnancy I have to wait at least six months to get the okay to try to get pregnant again. *heart break* Dr. O'Flynn warned that getting pregnant before that could lead to miscarriage or even worse molar cells that are left over mixing with the new fetal cells and ultimately destroying what would be healthy pregnancy.
Right now, I think this experience is like being dumped by my first real boyfriend. I know there will be others, but nothing hurts your heart quite as bad.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
What now?
So, I had the ultrasound today. No good news to come from it.
Apparently, they can see an expanded uterus, but only debris within it. No baby. Not this time.
I knew there was something wrong while the technician was doing the ultrasound. She had told me to begin with that once she was sure there was something to see, "Dad" could come in, but they never went to go get David. Sent me back to the waiting room because they were awaiting a return call from my doctor.
A long wait, and a conversation that's purpose was to tell me we're sorry, no hope.
They don't seem to know why I haven't experienced any bleeding, or why I haven't dispelled the birth, but they did seem certain there was no life there.
They say a woman loves a baby from the moment she knows shes pregnant. And I guess I did too. Now I'm left to wait, to wait and see when whatever I had that was considered a pregnancy will go away.
What do I do with the clothes I've bought? With the books on my bedstand? I guess the obvious answer is wait for next time. How hard is that though? It was hard enough thinking I had to wait until December. Now December will come and pass without that gift.
I get really angry when the universe does stuff like this to me. This isn't the first time, but it is the worst.
Last time the universe killed my poor six month old kitten. Which was a really terrible and rotten thing to do. She was a tiny simaese tabby kitten mix. She was the first pet David and I had gotten, and his first cat ever. We had just fallen head over heels in love with her and had her for a few months when we found out she had a fatal rare cat virus. We fought like hell to save her but in the end she was taken from us. She was the picture of innocence, and I did everything I could, but in the end there was no hope.
I had just begun to forgive the universe for taking my sweet Nikki kitten, when it decides to take my first pregnancy.
I don't understand. I try to do everything right. I try to help those who need it. I am not a bad person, I am better person than a lot of people I know, and yet repeatedly bad things happen. Terrible things.
I did everything right. I cut caffeine, stayed out of hottubs.. everything. It doesn't help. Still no baby.
Now I have the task of letting the people know that something went wrong. To tell you the truth, I don't even want to look at another human being right now, let alone talk to them or hear their condolences.
I just want to be alone.. and when I think that, now I cry because I am. No longer is it me and somebody else sitting here, its just me.
Apparently, they can see an expanded uterus, but only debris within it. No baby. Not this time.
I knew there was something wrong while the technician was doing the ultrasound. She had told me to begin with that once she was sure there was something to see, "Dad" could come in, but they never went to go get David. Sent me back to the waiting room because they were awaiting a return call from my doctor.
A long wait, and a conversation that's purpose was to tell me we're sorry, no hope.
They don't seem to know why I haven't experienced any bleeding, or why I haven't dispelled the birth, but they did seem certain there was no life there.
They say a woman loves a baby from the moment she knows shes pregnant. And I guess I did too. Now I'm left to wait, to wait and see when whatever I had that was considered a pregnancy will go away.
What do I do with the clothes I've bought? With the books on my bedstand? I guess the obvious answer is wait for next time. How hard is that though? It was hard enough thinking I had to wait until December. Now December will come and pass without that gift.
I get really angry when the universe does stuff like this to me. This isn't the first time, but it is the worst.
Last time the universe killed my poor six month old kitten. Which was a really terrible and rotten thing to do. She was a tiny simaese tabby kitten mix. She was the first pet David and I had gotten, and his first cat ever. We had just fallen head over heels in love with her and had her for a few months when we found out she had a fatal rare cat virus. We fought like hell to save her but in the end she was taken from us. She was the picture of innocence, and I did everything I could, but in the end there was no hope.
I had just begun to forgive the universe for taking my sweet Nikki kitten, when it decides to take my first pregnancy.
I don't understand. I try to do everything right. I try to help those who need it. I am not a bad person, I am better person than a lot of people I know, and yet repeatedly bad things happen. Terrible things.
I did everything right. I cut caffeine, stayed out of hottubs.. everything. It doesn't help. Still no baby.
Now I have the task of letting the people know that something went wrong. To tell you the truth, I don't even want to look at another human being right now, let alone talk to them or hear their condolences.
I just want to be alone.. and when I think that, now I cry because I am. No longer is it me and somebody else sitting here, its just me.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Boy or Girl?
Not to sound cliche, but what we want most is not male or female, but healthy.
Ask me again next around though, and you can bet my answer will change.
This baby, my first baby, doesn't have to be a boy or a girl, but next time, I'll want whatever we don't already have. If we have a little boy for example, next time I am pregnant I will be praying for a healthy baby girl and vice versa if we welcome a girl into the family this December.
However, in our hearts, we might be leaning towards a boy, but only because the cutest clothes we have found so far are for boys.
Since before I knew for certain I was pregnant, I have been telling David I think it will be a girl. And girls first are better in my opinion, as their maternal instinct leads them to be a better example for their siblings. In my personal experience, I know a lot of older brothers who were not good influences, but a lot of older sisters who were like a third parent.
However, the girls David works with (hi girls if your reading!), say that because I think it is a girl, it is definitly a boy.
David says to me, "I only make men". Ha ha!! David's theroy is that his father only had two boys, and all of his father's brothers only had boys. Therefore David believes he only contains the genetic makeup to have boys.
What fun! I would love to hold either my daughter or my son, and I know Dave feels the same. Nathan or Sophia.
Can't wait to see whoever is in there tomorrow!!
Ask me again next around though, and you can bet my answer will change.
This baby, my first baby, doesn't have to be a boy or a girl, but next time, I'll want whatever we don't already have. If we have a little boy for example, next time I am pregnant I will be praying for a healthy baby girl and vice versa if we welcome a girl into the family this December.
However, in our hearts, we might be leaning towards a boy, but only because the cutest clothes we have found so far are for boys.
Since before I knew for certain I was pregnant, I have been telling David I think it will be a girl. And girls first are better in my opinion, as their maternal instinct leads them to be a better example for their siblings. In my personal experience, I know a lot of older brothers who were not good influences, but a lot of older sisters who were like a third parent.
However, the girls David works with (hi girls if your reading!), say that because I think it is a girl, it is definitly a boy.
David says to me, "I only make men". Ha ha!! David's theroy is that his father only had two boys, and all of his father's brothers only had boys. Therefore David believes he only contains the genetic makeup to have boys.
What fun! I would love to hold either my daughter or my son, and I know Dave feels the same. Nathan or Sophia.
Can't wait to see whoever is in there tomorrow!!
New toy to blog with!!
There are two things that I don't spend enough time doing, one is journeling my existence, the other is bragging about my wonderful husband.
Today, I got an excuse to do both of those things more. My David suggested, or rather talked me into, getting a mini lap top as a pregnancy gift for myself. As he said, "it would be nice" if I could sit wherever I like and blog. It also gives me more flexibility to get started on my book, which I always say I will do, but don't.
So now, thanks to my wonderful and thoughtful husband, I can now blog as I cuddle with him on the couch, as he watches tv.
Don't forget, tomorrow is a very important day. Not because I am having a yard sale, although I am having a yard sale, but because David and I get to meet our baby!
Tomorrow is ultrasound day!
There are so many things going on in my head when I think about tomorrow. Will I be able to make out a the image of a small baby? Will everything be ok? Am I really pregnant (I still find it hard to believe)?
I keep worrying the technician will give us a somber look as she is looking around in there, and the annouce something isn't quite right... however unlikely that scenerio may be.
I also have this image of the technician looking over at us and telling us its twins. Ha ha.. oh my goodness I would pass out. Not that I wouldn't love twins as much as I would a single baby, but.. oh lets double the new mom's workload.
Another scenerio that I almost hope for, is that the tech will tell us we are further along than we thought (always a possibility by my calculations) and be able to tell us if we are (or is it I am?) creating a boy or a girl.
A subject for another post that boy/girl thing, but wish us luck tomorrow!
Today, I got an excuse to do both of those things more. My David suggested, or rather talked me into, getting a mini lap top as a pregnancy gift for myself. As he said, "it would be nice" if I could sit wherever I like and blog. It also gives me more flexibility to get started on my book, which I always say I will do, but don't.
So now, thanks to my wonderful and thoughtful husband, I can now blog as I cuddle with him on the couch, as he watches tv.
Don't forget, tomorrow is a very important day. Not because I am having a yard sale, although I am having a yard sale, but because David and I get to meet our baby!
Tomorrow is ultrasound day!
There are so many things going on in my head when I think about tomorrow. Will I be able to make out a the image of a small baby? Will everything be ok? Am I really pregnant (I still find it hard to believe)?
I keep worrying the technician will give us a somber look as she is looking around in there, and the annouce something isn't quite right... however unlikely that scenerio may be.
I also have this image of the technician looking over at us and telling us its twins. Ha ha.. oh my goodness I would pass out. Not that I wouldn't love twins as much as I would a single baby, but.. oh lets double the new mom's workload.
Another scenerio that I almost hope for, is that the tech will tell us we are further along than we thought (always a possibility by my calculations) and be able to tell us if we are (or is it I am?) creating a boy or a girl.
A subject for another post that boy/girl thing, but wish us luck tomorrow!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
10 Weeks Pregnant Pic
10 Weeks Pregnant Picture. Taken last week.
11 weeks pregnant picture to follow shortly..
11 Week Doctor Visit
We have had a weird week, as my mom was supposed to have kidney removal surgery on Friday, but had a panick attack at the hospital and didn't go through with it.
So I've been running around preparing for the surgery, and then undoing preparations for a few days.
We went to Dr. O'Flynn's office for our first appointment yesterday, and although we didn't meet Dr. O'Flynn herself, the office is calmest and most welcoming enviornment we've ever experienced in a doctor's office. Even David was impressed.
Went through medical history; they are sending me to a specialist at Kennedy to schedule a plan for a fetal echogram because of a hole in my mother's heart that they believe she was born with. So, sometime after 20 weeks we are going to check the baby for the same thing. The nurse also attempted to let us hear the heartbeat, but no luck yet.
We have an ultrasound scheduled for Saturday for dating purposes, David and I are so excited to see who's in there!
Anyhow, I think the morning sickness is starting to become less frequent and I'm beginning to feel less pregnant because of the lack of symptoms and there isn't much to see.
I am so looking forward to Saturday, so I can feel pregnant again :)
So I've been running around preparing for the surgery, and then undoing preparations for a few days.
We went to Dr. O'Flynn's office for our first appointment yesterday, and although we didn't meet Dr. O'Flynn herself, the office is calmest and most welcoming enviornment we've ever experienced in a doctor's office. Even David was impressed.
Went through medical history; they are sending me to a specialist at Kennedy to schedule a plan for a fetal echogram because of a hole in my mother's heart that they believe she was born with. So, sometime after 20 weeks we are going to check the baby for the same thing. The nurse also attempted to let us hear the heartbeat, but no luck yet.
We have an ultrasound scheduled for Saturday for dating purposes, David and I are so excited to see who's in there!
Anyhow, I think the morning sickness is starting to become less frequent and I'm beginning to feel less pregnant because of the lack of symptoms and there isn't much to see.
I am so looking forward to Saturday, so I can feel pregnant again :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Zzzzzzzzzzz
I haven’t written in a while, mostly because I’ve been exhausted. Not too sick, just queasy enough to make me not feel good for a few hours a day. But after just a few hours of being up and about, I feel like I’m ready for bed all over again.
We had company for Memorial Day Weekend, my best friend and old roommate from college. Hosting company for three days really made me yearn for my impromptu and frequent naps.
I am getting more and more impatient with this waiting to for my next doctor’s appointment. I just need to see a sonogram, or hear a heartbeat, or something! Just let me know everything sounds/looks ok with the baby. Then I can tell everyone and at least eliminate a little of the worry related stress.
I keep praying David will get an awesome raise or promotion so I can stop working while I’m pregnant. (only partially kidding). Working full time and being this exhausted is a bit much.. I can’t wait for that second trimester burst of energy I keep hearing about.
We had company for Memorial Day Weekend, my best friend and old roommate from college. Hosting company for three days really made me yearn for my impromptu and frequent naps.
I am getting more and more impatient with this waiting to for my next doctor’s appointment. I just need to see a sonogram, or hear a heartbeat, or something! Just let me know everything sounds/looks ok with the baby. Then I can tell everyone and at least eliminate a little of the worry related stress.
I keep praying David will get an awesome raise or promotion so I can stop working while I’m pregnant. (only partially kidding). Working full time and being this exhausted is a bit much.. I can’t wait for that second trimester burst of energy I keep hearing about.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Doula
I have a complete fear of c-sections.
I will do everything in my power to avoid the scaring, irreparable muscle damage and long recovery that go along with one. For me, this means a natural birth, with no epidural, because statistics show epidurals can slow labor and increase chances a c-section will be necessary.
So, in order to keep the doctors from getting impatient with me or talking me into pain killers in my weakened state of labor, I plan on having a team that is there to help me reach my goals during labor.
David's Mom had told me the story of Davey's birth and with it, an important lesson. Nancy's doctor wanted to perform a c-section when labor was taking too long for his patience, but Nancy's midwife told her she could deliver vaginally and massaged and coached her through it until David was born healthy and happy and without permanent damage to Nancy's abs.
From the time I heard this story, I decided that I too was going to have a midwife. Problem is, and I soon found out, a midwife isn't what a midwife used to be. Now a midwife is a certified nurse and not necessarily trained in massage or holistic birthing methods. What I found out I needed was a doula.
After my internet search, I found www.beginswithbirth.com. I spoke on the phone with Jodi and she made me feel so much better about my delivery. She advised me which hospitals have high c-section rates, which obstetricians are the most relaxed and comforting during delivery and even invited me to a holistic mothers group.
I am so excited to have someone who thinks like I do, and knows what she is doing. She has delivered 175 babies! Most importantly she doesnt think I'm crazy for wanting to turn down the epidural and bring a baby into the world the old fashion way.
David and I are pretty sure we want to deliver at Elmer Hospital. Even though it is 40 minutes from here, their facilities look amazing and Jodi and my friend Kristina (who went there once when she had a 9 months pregnant fall down the stairs) both swear the staff there is as kind as they've ever experienced.
Also, if I deliver at Elmer, I have the option of a water birth. They have always intrigued me and from what I have read make labor a lot less painful. Sounds good to me.
I will do everything in my power to avoid the scaring, irreparable muscle damage and long recovery that go along with one. For me, this means a natural birth, with no epidural, because statistics show epidurals can slow labor and increase chances a c-section will be necessary.
So, in order to keep the doctors from getting impatient with me or talking me into pain killers in my weakened state of labor, I plan on having a team that is there to help me reach my goals during labor.
David's Mom had told me the story of Davey's birth and with it, an important lesson. Nancy's doctor wanted to perform a c-section when labor was taking too long for his patience, but Nancy's midwife told her she could deliver vaginally and massaged and coached her through it until David was born healthy and happy and without permanent damage to Nancy's abs.
From the time I heard this story, I decided that I too was going to have a midwife. Problem is, and I soon found out, a midwife isn't what a midwife used to be. Now a midwife is a certified nurse and not necessarily trained in massage or holistic birthing methods. What I found out I needed was a doula.
After my internet search, I found www.beginswithbirth.com. I spoke on the phone with Jodi and she made me feel so much better about my delivery. She advised me which hospitals have high c-section rates, which obstetricians are the most relaxed and comforting during delivery and even invited me to a holistic mothers group.
I am so excited to have someone who thinks like I do, and knows what she is doing. She has delivered 175 babies! Most importantly she doesnt think I'm crazy for wanting to turn down the epidural and bring a baby into the world the old fashion way.
David and I are pretty sure we want to deliver at Elmer Hospital. Even though it is 40 minutes from here, their facilities look amazing and Jodi and my friend Kristina (who went there once when she had a 9 months pregnant fall down the stairs) both swear the staff there is as kind as they've ever experienced.
Also, if I deliver at Elmer, I have the option of a water birth. They have always intrigued me and from what I have read make labor a lot less painful. Sounds good to me.
Dave spilled the beans!
We planned on telling Dave's parents about our news on Mother's Day.
We sent them a picture frame that defined "Grandchild" with a note where the picture goes that said "Photo of your grandchild to arrive on or about December 29th 2009". The package had a big "Do Not Open Until Mother's Day" written in crayon on it (under the shipping material).
Yesterday was Dave's Mom's birthday, and his father had pulled the package from the mail and surprised her yesterday with it, but when she opened it, it warned that it should not be opened until Mother's Day. So she called David and he, who couldn't wait a moment longer, told her to open it early. :)
It was so cute when David explained to me he couldn't wait any longer. It's so heartwarming (and tear-jerking due to the pregnancy hormones) to see him just as excited as I am about our new baby! I love him so much.
It so much fun to tell people our news, I can't wait for the moment we feel safe releasing the news to everyone.
We sent them a picture frame that defined "Grandchild" with a note where the picture goes that said "Photo of your grandchild to arrive on or about December 29th 2009". The package had a big "Do Not Open Until Mother's Day" written in crayon on it (under the shipping material).
Yesterday was Dave's Mom's birthday, and his father had pulled the package from the mail and surprised her yesterday with it, but when she opened it, it warned that it should not be opened until Mother's Day. So she called David and he, who couldn't wait a moment longer, told her to open it early. :)
It was so cute when David explained to me he couldn't wait any longer. It's so heartwarming (and tear-jerking due to the pregnancy hormones) to see him just as excited as I am about our new baby! I love him so much.
It so much fun to tell people our news, I can't wait for the moment we feel safe releasing the news to everyone.
Week 6, Day 1 - Morning Sickness Arrives
On Tuesday my brother graduated from Embry Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach, FL (Congratulations Ryan!). My parents, grandmother, David and I flew down Sunday evening to be there for the ceremony.
Sunday night we had dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. for dinner (food is soo good). I told grandma the news, and talked about how not sick I've been. Big Mistake.
Monday morning I woke up queasy, and I've been queasy ever since, including right now. And, its just gotten worse since Monday morning. In fact, Tuesday's flight home was torture due to turbulance. Morning sickness + motion sickness = terrible combination.
Last night the smell of broccoli and a bite of salad made me want to throw up on the table at Chilis.
To be honest, I haven't thrown up yet. But I am not a puker. I loathe throwing up and will battle the feeling until I have no choice. Unfortunately, this is probably making it worse, because if I just puke and get it over with I might feel better. I just can't bring myself to do it. :(
So instead, I'm walking around in a nauseous nightmare.
Sunday night we had dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. for dinner (food is soo good). I told grandma the news, and talked about how not sick I've been. Big Mistake.
Monday morning I woke up queasy, and I've been queasy ever since, including right now. And, its just gotten worse since Monday morning. In fact, Tuesday's flight home was torture due to turbulance. Morning sickness + motion sickness = terrible combination.
Last night the smell of broccoli and a bite of salad made me want to throw up on the table at Chilis.
To be honest, I haven't thrown up yet. But I am not a puker. I loathe throwing up and will battle the feeling until I have no choice. Unfortunately, this is probably making it worse, because if I just puke and get it over with I might feel better. I just can't bring myself to do it. :(
So instead, I'm walking around in a nauseous nightmare.
Friday, May 1, 2009
I just had a moment..
Driving home for my lunch break in my car, I began singing along to my Vampire Weekend CD and almost instantly, as I started to sing, I realized I could sing to my baby :)
He/she wont have ears for a little while longer, but somewhere deep my imagination I came up with the thought that even if she can't hear sound yet, maybe she can feel my excitment and happiness channeling throughout my body. Maybe I can share with her my joy and anticipation through my singing. I got butterflies and I blushed when the thought came into my mind.
But I sang as loud as I could with a school girl smile on my face the whole way home!
He/she wont have ears for a little while longer, but somewhere deep my imagination I came up with the thought that even if she can't hear sound yet, maybe she can feel my excitment and happiness channeling throughout my body. Maybe I can share with her my joy and anticipation through my singing. I got butterflies and I blushed when the thought came into my mind.
But I sang as loud as I could with a school girl smile on my face the whole way home!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Officially Expecting!
David and I took our first trip to the OB/GYN yesterday.
It is confirmed, there is baby growing in there!
Due date was set as December 29th 2009. David would like it out by then, so we get the tax benefits, while I'd like to hold the baby in as far into January as possible so my baby doesnt have his/her birthday all mixed in with Christmas. :) Time will tell who gets there preference.
Next appointment is 5 weeks away, June 4th. But we may cancel that appointment because we plan on visiting a few OB/GYN/Midwives to decide which we are most comfortable with and which one will support us the most in having a natural birth.
Still no morning sickness here, just exhausted and sore (they aren't kidding when they say tender breasts). David however is hanging over the toilet.. nerves? swine flu? sympathy pregnancy? ha ha... who knows... I'm staying away from him.
It is confirmed, there is baby growing in there!
Due date was set as December 29th 2009. David would like it out by then, so we get the tax benefits, while I'd like to hold the baby in as far into January as possible so my baby doesnt have his/her birthday all mixed in with Christmas. :) Time will tell who gets there preference.
Next appointment is 5 weeks away, June 4th. But we may cancel that appointment because we plan on visiting a few OB/GYN/Midwives to decide which we are most comfortable with and which one will support us the most in having a natural birth.
Still no morning sickness here, just exhausted and sore (they aren't kidding when they say tender breasts). David however is hanging over the toilet.. nerves? swine flu? sympathy pregnancy? ha ha... who knows... I'm staying away from him.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Two Lines!!
It's semi-official! The pregnancy test says I've got a bun in the oven!
Now I've been pushed into a mode of eliminating caffeine from my diet, reading up on whats "normal" and purchasing pregnancy books on Amazon.com.
Kristina, mother of my baby godson, is on her way over now with a pile of books :)
I got up the courage to test yesterday after work. When I saw the results, I felt like I was going to cry, but I didn't. I wasn't sad, of course, but I'd say it was 50/50 mix of happy and nervous. A huge rush of emotion. And I thought I'd have 3 minutes to wait, but I peed on that stick and "viola!" those two lines showed up faster than I could lay the stick flat. Apparently my pee is just full of that pregnancy hormone!
From what I've read, I'm "5 weeks" because the baby-growth charts start from first day of your last period. So, wow, from not pregnant to five weeks pregnant instantly! This means I have a baby cookin the size of an appleseed :)
So I've picked my little "ok to tell" group. My parents, my brother, and my already had a baby best friend Kristina. Oh yea, and I also told my two roommates cause I live with them and had to turn down raw cookie dough last night.
As a surprise this morning Dave presented me with our new baby's piggy bank!
I wanted it since I first saw it shopping for gifts for Kristina's baby shower. Apparently he picked it up shortly thereafter and was saving it for this occasion! Gotta love him.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Jak's First Backpacking Trip
Couldn't help myself, had to post it.
Jak's First Backpacking TripApril 19th 2009
Not telling.
I have been told, by many people and a few websites, not to tell anyone your pregnant (if I am indeed pregnant) until your at least 3 months along.
This, as I understand it, is because risk of miscarriage is higher in the first trimester than the following two.
So, I was talking to the hubby last night about who we would and wouldn't tell, and we decided on a small group that we could tell immediately.
While the precaution is understandable, I can't imagine how hard it is going to be to hold this news back if two lines appear on that strip tonight.
This, as I understand it, is because risk of miscarriage is higher in the first trimester than the following two.
So, I was talking to the hubby last night about who we would and wouldn't tell, and we decided on a small group that we could tell immediately.
While the precaution is understandable, I can't imagine how hard it is going to be to hold this news back if two lines appear on that strip tonight.
Count down to the big test.
So life has been hectic lately..
David and I, who dont have enough craziness going on in our lives between a new puppy, new house and a fresh marriage, decided a few weeks ago that we should take a shot at baby-making.
After hearing many stories from women I know about trying to get pregnant and it taking a while, I assumed it would take a few months to suceed.
Well, now (by my rough calculations) I am about 4 1/2 days late... and my boobs hurt.
My almost one year old godson's mother, who is a younger than me twenty something, cautioned me not to get overly excited because my body could play tricks.. and it might be I suppose.
In any event, I'm sick of trying not to get my hopes up, so yesterday during a routine trip to Shoprite for eggs, milk, canned pineapples (for ham dinner) and a bag of potatos, I added a 2 pack pregnancy test to the pile.
I have to say, I was surprised how embarssed I was to to pick it up off the shelf and even to put it up on the conveyor belt (I may have put the bag of potatos on top of it). The girl at the register also seemed flushed as she quickly stuffed in a bag. It's so weird how just holding a pregnancy test made me so embarassed, especially when I'm intending on getting pregnant... Maybe I was embarassed because I was afraid onlookers would question whether I had made a mistake.. and of course, I forgot my wedding band at home.
Anyhow, when I picked up my lovely husband at work, I was excited to show him what I picked up. His response? "The girls told me to let them know if we found out tonight." Funny, I hadn't mentioned the test until after I bought it (on a whim really). Good to see we are on the same page.
Even though I bought the test yesterday, I chose not to take the test last night. Why? Cause today is Friday and I knew I'd have to go to work the next morning after taking the test. And then, no matter what the results would be, I would have to sit and think all day about the results and dwell because there wouldn't be anyone to discuss it with.
So, I decided on performing the all important test after work today so I have all weekend to let the results (whatever they may be) sink in.
David and I, who dont have enough craziness going on in our lives between a new puppy, new house and a fresh marriage, decided a few weeks ago that we should take a shot at baby-making.
After hearing many stories from women I know about trying to get pregnant and it taking a while, I assumed it would take a few months to suceed.
Well, now (by my rough calculations) I am about 4 1/2 days late... and my boobs hurt.
My almost one year old godson's mother, who is a younger than me twenty something, cautioned me not to get overly excited because my body could play tricks.. and it might be I suppose.
In any event, I'm sick of trying not to get my hopes up, so yesterday during a routine trip to Shoprite for eggs, milk, canned pineapples (for ham dinner) and a bag of potatos, I added a 2 pack pregnancy test to the pile.
I have to say, I was surprised how embarssed I was to to pick it up off the shelf and even to put it up on the conveyor belt (I may have put the bag of potatos on top of it). The girl at the register also seemed flushed as she quickly stuffed in a bag. It's so weird how just holding a pregnancy test made me so embarassed, especially when I'm intending on getting pregnant... Maybe I was embarassed because I was afraid onlookers would question whether I had made a mistake.. and of course, I forgot my wedding band at home.
Anyhow, when I picked up my lovely husband at work, I was excited to show him what I picked up. His response? "The girls told me to let them know if we found out tonight." Funny, I hadn't mentioned the test until after I bought it (on a whim really). Good to see we are on the same page.
Even though I bought the test yesterday, I chose not to take the test last night. Why? Cause today is Friday and I knew I'd have to go to work the next morning after taking the test. And then, no matter what the results would be, I would have to sit and think all day about the results and dwell because there wouldn't be anyone to discuss it with.
So, I decided on performing the all important test after work today so I have all weekend to let the results (whatever they may be) sink in.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Hello.. My Name Is Sara
I am a twenty-four-year-old female living in good ol' south jersey.
Some days I feel behind in my progress, other days I feel like I've moved way too fast. In my humble opinion, I have a lot going on in my life.
I graduated college in May 2006. I moved back to Jersey with my college boyfriend into a little apartment near my home town and adopted two cats.
Then, I got married last September to that college boyfriend, David. We took the fast track and now in February, a mere five months later, we own a home and just welcomed a puppy to our ever growing family and list of financial obligations.
We rent a room in our new fixer-upper to two friends and their geriatric cat.
We both work full time jobs. I as an assistant at a independent insurance agency and Dave as a customer service rep for a medical supply distribution company.
My days are busy and my mind is constantly racing to keep up with all of life's new developments, challenges and (sometimes good, but more often irritating) little surprises .
I have elected to use a blog as a canvass to harness those thoughts, observations and frustrations that are byproducts in my life as a twenty something year old trying to get by (and hopefully ahead) in the 21st Century.
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